Where Is My Joy?

A story on how life challenges can lead one to find joy in the wrong place and the journey to finding mine through my Faith.

On this fateful morning, I had been awake for thirty minutes but could not bring myself to get out of bed. Anxiously, I rolled on my bed, stretching all my aching muscles whilst clinging onto my dear duvet.

It felt as though I had lost something, or maybe I finally realised I needed what I never once had. It was that one thing I desperately needed to get out of bed and face my reality. It was MY JOY.

"Where is my Joy?" I felt so empty without a tangible reason. It was weird and seemingly uncomfortable.

I love PIZZA, it is like comfort, and I am quick to turn to it for solace. But at this moment, the thought of PIZZA, precisely Domino's Hot and Spicy, did not exactly excite me. So, I stayed in bed more, searching through my mind for any activity and anyone, or even any place, that was good enough to roll me out of bed into proper human clothes, but none I could find. I was EMPTY!

None of these make sense if I do not give you a background story about my life.

Growing up in a working-class family, we were okay, or at least my parents did a good job of not making us feel we did not have enough. But as I grew older, I began to see cracks. WE DID NOT HAVE IT ALL.

My parents had DREAMS, beautiful ones, but with every dream came pain and lots of prayers. We would say to God, just this one dream, this one job, this one country, and we would be so blessed and joyful. I saw the smile on my parents' faces with every answered prayer. They were so happy!

Dreams come true when you wait and pray, and the joy after that is magnificent!

Subconsciously, I had taken up the same disposition I was accustomed to. Now I had dreams of my own. First, I wanted to pass my secondary school exams, so I prayed, fasted, and waited, and yes, I passed! It was exciting. I continued like this for most of my teenage years, APPORTIONING JOY TO EVERY OF MY WINS. Although I was sad on waiting days, I became happy on dream fulfillment days.

Talking about sadness, the one I felt on waiting days was unlike the emptiness I know now. It was not weird or uncomfortable, it was FAMILIAR and SAFE. Moreso, it felt OKAY because I had A REASON to be sad. Although I did not want to get out of bed, the thought of the JOY set ahead of me i.e., seeing dreams come true, was more than enough to kickstart my day. There was PURPOSE in my waiting, in my sadness.

Fast forward to now, many of my big dreams as a child have finally become my reality after much waiting and struggle. Exciting right? Yeah, I was, but only briefly. And now I ask, "Where is my Joy?" I am supposed to be happy and grateful right? Yes, I am grateful, but where is the happy part?...

Part 2 Coming out soon:)